Media Addendum #4

Is it too late to find out what the deal is with those minions?

I have a new respect and understanding for the Trading Spaces team. This week we attempted to re-organize our studio and I do see how sometimes redecorating in a time crunch feels hopeless you might just staple hay to the wall instead. Claire and I tried to move our bookshelves around and several of them are now piles of wood which I’ve recently discovered is so heavy? You can eat Dense Bean Salad all you wan’t but you’ll never be strong enough to move a shelf.

Luckily, it didn’t stop us from coming up with theories abound this week, starting with the idea that women dating younger men might be the only way to be in a happy heterosexual relationship. Let me know what you think. Now let’s get into this week’s major topics.

The Olympics left us with more questions than answers:

What could be harder than answering questions after a fine but not perfect figure skate? Amber Glenn handled it with grace but having a microphone shoved in your face while a reporter asks you to recap your mistakes during one of the most televised moments of your life looks harder than being a world-class athlete.

Is it too late to get on board with the minions? A figure skater fought for his right to use minion music in his Olympic routine and it really brought to the surface how far behind we are on minion lore. Despicable Me is a global franchise?? The minions themselves have had a plethora of spinoffs? Sometimes there’s an entire world that you’ve been sleeping on and opening the door is overwhelming.

Could Lindsey Vonn have made it down the mountain? Experts, including Vonn herself are saying yes. Despite tearing her ACL just before her final Olympic race, Lindsay Vonn was going to continue to win her final medal but 13 minutes into her run she had a non-ACL related crash that took her out of the games. Apparently her pole got caught? I’m no expert but I’m going to do do my best to keep my ACLs glued on regardless of whether or not you need them for the Olympics.

Do Big Dicks Fly Further? Literally yes. Elongating your torso and increasing your circumference can mathematically help you fly further!!! But that doesn’t mean skiiers are artificially bulging their penises. They just have big swangin dicks that fly throught he air with the greatest of ease. According to the olympic committee no one is cheating they’re just packin.

Are winter sports more dangerous because the cold makes people crazy? If you’re already uncomfortably chilly are you more likely to do a death defying stunt because why not? You’re already cold what do you have left to lose.

Kamala HQ has Rebranded

Kamala HQ, Kamala Harris’s campaign account, has changed it’s handle and handed the reigns over to Gen Z. It’s now a Gen Z progressive content platform and people are furious. Some say it’s another giant waste of money but I wonder what else they should be doing with an Instagram account that boasts 1.1 million followers? Do you think it’s worth it to repurpose the account and at least attempt to create a democrat-sponsored left-leaning content space? Could the left finally learn something from the way the right backs content creators? I don’t think this is a flawless move but I think the way people are acting like it’s the worst thing they’ve ever seen is a bit dramatic?

Spreadsheeting is a Sport

As it turns out, knowing how to use Excel is a proper skill and not just knowing that there are boxes and fonts. Much like competitive couponing and points collecting, there’s an entire ocean of information that separates dabblers from the pros. Every year the best spreadsheeters on earth gather for an excel competition. It looks like a marriage of gaming and mathleticism and I’m utterly charmed and dying to attend next year.

The New York Crimes

Claire is reading The Jakarta Method and a major question is emerging: at what point do young and hungry journalists become editors who’ve decided to become complicit in war crimes? It sounds dramatic but as major media institutions like The New York Times are revealed to be complicit in ***, how did they get this way and is there a way to have well-funded but somehow less biased news? As Bezos and Ellison continue to buy and gut already corrupt legacy outlets and journalists are being fired from the middle of war zones, things are not looking great.

The Worst Super Bowl Commercials

I was frankly in awe of the Super Bowl commercials this time around. As someone who shamefully loves a good ad, not only were they poorly produced and primarily for companies I take issue with, they were so bad?? Three I selected for specific shaming were:

• Mike Tyson’s MAHA ad: with a black and white, dramatic closeup and an absurd script, Mike Tyson shills for RFK’s “real food industry” while body shaming his dead sister and the viewers.

• Good Will Dunkin: Dunkin’ Donuts gave Ben Affleck a 48 hour pass to leave the Dunkin’ dungeon they apparently keep him in but he had to film a bloated with cameos and devoid of jokes commercial that was also disparaging to the very donut institution they were trying to promote? Jaleel White, Jason Alexander, Jennifer Aniston, and more were presumably referencing the sitcoms that made them famous but none of it worked.

• Chris Hemsworth for Alexa+: I’ve seen Smart House and I think Chris Hemsworth was right to fear a robot in control of his home! Ending this commercial by letting the robot distract him with a massage? I feel like this is act one of a horror movie but we’re supposed to purchase the villain at the end? Thats bad advertising!

The Super Bowl

This year the Super Bowl was technically a face off between the Seahawks and the Patriots but the real winner was Raising Canes. Somehow this chicken brand has skyrocketed to one of the most popular chickens in America. We’re fascinated by the way they’ve used small menus and big parties from the Super Bowl to the Tonys to climb to the top of the chicken tower.

Finally, the new #1 football star in all the world, Bad Bunny. We were joined by Becca Ramos on the Patreon last week to discuss the history of Puerto Rico and her new podcast, Welcome to El Barrio. The context she provided made watching the half time show even more fun but it was also so cool to read a ton of background on the show after the fact. If you were a grass please reveal yourself to me!

For starters, even if you do think “we should speak English in America” the NFL has no interest in keeping football an “American” sport. The idea way America insists on lame-ifying its culture is so pathetic but also, if you’re a true-blue american capitalist appealing to other countries have money!!! Football is not an American institution it’s a for-profit organization.

Now, for the prolific-ness of Bad Bunny, he’s both been a top-5 streamed artist on Spotify for half a decade and dated a Kardashian-Jenner. He’s like the minions, a global sensation that it’s time to get on board with if you weren’t already.

There were so many fun stories that came out of this half time show but one of my favorites was the couple who got married during the performance. They invited Bad Bunny to their wedding as a bit and found themselves getting married during a Super Bowl. This is why it behooves young people to learn how to send mail. I was also so excited to learn more about Toñita, the owner of Williamsburg’s Caribbean Social Club. She runs an institution on Grand street and rumor has it Bad Bunny is there literally right as I type this filming a music video.

Finally, for the film nerds out there I learned about the Spike Lee’s double dolly shot, a camera effect he’s known for that Bad Bunny pulled off perfectly during a live performance.

That’s all for this week’s episode in writing see ya next time!

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MISC NOTES:

Claire Parker’s 32 comes out on YouTube Feb 13 don’t forget to watch!

Check out or conversation with Dickenson creator Alena Smith also on YouTube!